The moment when you were surrounded by a crowd of blue/green clothed strangers in a tiny room with legs wide open. The yelling consumed you and the word Push-Push- Push!- meant you were closer to reaching your goal. At that moment the word was literal -Push- Get this huge watermelon baby out of me already, an intense push that was mixed with hope and joy. The word was simple, the word was concrete.
As the pain began and ended with the delivery of my first baby, the amnesia of childbirth settled in. I focused on the miracle and beauty of my new child slowly forgetting reality. There was only one thing that truly stayed with me –the word Push! The word Push was etched into the vast corners and angles of my mind at that exact life changing moment.
This simple word –Push- impacted me more than I could ever imagine and settled into a deeper and complex meaning as a Mother. What does this word mean to you?
Push to be the best Mommy. Push to have the best career. Push to have the best children….We all have our own reasons to push….
Did I have this Push before that moment?
I will not forget when the pushing started, but when will the pushing stop?
The truth for all mothers is that the Push that was yelled upon us probably won’t stop. Most of the time we can handle lack of sleep, crying kids, cleaning vomit and Push ourselves to do almost everything for everyone. We can try with all our strength and patience to handle the Push.
But, can we change what we –Push- for? Push to enjoy imperfection. Push to enjoy the unknown. Push for more moments of no Push. Can we as mothers push to be more indulgent or self centered? Do you want to push to be a yogi, an artist, a children’s book writer, a traveler, a pastry chef. Those are only some of the many ideas of my own personal push, my individual goals before becoming a mother. There is more that I want to push for and I believe in turn those goals, when accomplished, will make me a better woman and mother.
My experiences as a Mother have changed me in positive ways which I didn’t expect. I was surrounded in a tiny room and told to Push-Push-Push.